Tis The Season

I’m in a few different facebook groups, and I notice a common theme this time of year. The joy of engagements mixed with the heartbreak of relationships gone bad. It got me thinking more about my life and my story. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but dating was never my strong suit. I had 0 boyfriends in high school and didn’t even get my first kiss until after I graduated. I grew up in a pretty strict household, and dating wasn’t something I was ever allowed to participate in. Not that it was an option since I never actually got asked out LOL (thank you a lifetime of awkwardness). But I used to dream of it. 

When I got to the rule-free world of college, life was a bit of a free for all. I was so desperate to be loved, but I had no clue how to set my bar high or how to choose a man who bettered my life. Instead I got stuck in a cycle of latching onto men who didn’t want to latch onto me. The end result was a girl who never felt good enough and always felt like she had to change herself to find someone who would love her back equally.

All of this changed in 2010. I thought I met someone who was my “dream man”. The relationship moved quickly and I was instantly swept off my feet. He was so caring, fun, attentive, and loving. At the ripe old age of 27, I thought this is it! I assumed the reason why past relationships never worked out was because I was meant to end up with him. It was like God finally heard my prayers and sent him to me. Or so I thought. Before we started dating, he had accepted a job in Denver, and a few months into our relationship he moved across the country. Once we became long distance, things shifted. There were more fights, but I convinced myself it was because we were long distance and being apart is hard no matter how good the relationship is. Tired of living the long-distance life, I packed up my bags and moved from Ohio to Colorado. I thought this man was going to be my husband one day which made it all worth it.  Welp, we stayed together for 3 tumultuous years and then broke up. LOL. I was completely heartbroken in ways I will never be able to express in words. I didn’t know how I was going to go on. The life I had envisioned for myself shattered right before my eyes. I was willing to do anything to fight for the relationship, and he was done. A couple years later he had a new girlfriend and I had no hair. Life man!  

They say hindsight is 20/20 and boy is that the case when I look back on this. First of all, there were SO MANY red flags from the very beginning of the relationship. Red flags that I was willing to turn a blind eye to because I thought this man was my future husband. I wish I could travel back in time and shake 27 year old Supriya. I wish I could tell her to know her damn worth and set her bar high. I wish I could tell her that marriages are not the end all be all. That it is far more important to find someone who fills your cup (or love tank for my RHOC fans out there) than it is to settle for something in hopes of getting to walk down an aisle. I wish I could tell her that it is okay to walk away from a relationship when you don’t feel like you are being treated right. I wish I could tell her to stop fighting for a relationship that she has known has been broken for so long. I wish I could tell her that thinking someone is your “soulmate” is not a good enough reason to settle for less than what you deserve. I wish I could tell her that if someone doesn’t want you, it is just freeing you to find someone who does. There are just soooo many things I wish I could tell her. 

Now, as a wise old almost 37 year old, it's clear that we were incompatible from the jump. We were both trying to fit a square peg into a round hole knowing it wasn’t going to work. We both made mistakes and we both hurt each other. 27 year old Supriya was too busy trying to have this fairy tale social media relationship, to walk away from something that no longer served her. 

I wanted to share this story for every girl out there experiencing relationship heartbreak over the holidays. I want you to know that relationships end so better can come your way. When your vision of your future life shatters, it means you get a blank slate to create the absolute best life for yourself. Some days it feels like you may cut a bitch if you have to see another social media engagement announcement, but I promise those feelings will go away too. It's easier to be happy for people and know that your time will come when the time is right. I want you to know that there is no need to panic if all of your friends are getting married, and you are nowhere near that point. If I had married any of the men I dated in my 20s, I’d be one miserable girl in my 30s. 

It took me until I was 36 to find a relationship where I finally feel like I am being treated the way I’ve always dreamed of. If this old baldie can find someone who loves her to pieces you will too!! You’ve got this friends! Don’t settle and keep the faith. Holiday blues are normal, BUT the holidays are just about done so go live your best 2020! Love you boos!