All Things Alopecia With Valerie Fuentes

I was lucky enough to cross paths with Valerie a few weeks ago when she invited me to join her Unapologetic Badasses - Hair Loss Edition Summit. This was my first time doing a “face to face” interview about my alopecia journey. It didn’t feel like an interview as much as it felt like chatting with an amazing friend. I’m forever grateful for the people Baldie Boo continues to bring into my life. Thank you Valerie for allowing me to participate in your summit. I’m forever grateful for you!

Follow Valerie (you won’t regret it!):
Valerie Fuentes Instagram

Valerie Fuentes Website

2020 The Year Of The Alopecians

Guys the last couple weeks have been amazing for the alopecia community. First Ricki Lake went public with her struggles with hair loss. Then Representative Ayanna Pressley shared that she lost all of her hair to alopecia this past year. I’m not going to lie, Rep. Pressley’s candid conversation about her alopecia gave me alllllll of the feels. It is emotional seeing women with such large platforms coming forward with their stories of hair loss. When I first lost my hair in 2015, I remember scouring the internet looking for female “celebrities” who were also dealing with hair loss. With close to 7 million people in the U.S. who have been affected by alopecia, I assumed there had to be a few ladies in the public eye who were dealing with it too. My searches hit dead end after dead end. I don’t know why, but it felt heart breaking not to find anyone. All I wanted was a “Celebrities, they are just like us!” moment so I could feel a tiny sense of normalcy. Which I know is ridiculous because celebs are nothing like us, but I yearned for a to connect with someone who was traveling in my same shoes. I was desperate to find a woman who had bald forced upon them, but was still out there killing the game in life. I wanted to find anybody who could help me see that it was going to be okay. 

When Rep. Pressley’s video and article started making the rounds, I felt this overwhelming sense of oh hellllllll yes! This is exactly what the alopecia community needs! 2015 Supriya would have done anything to see a video like this in my first months as a bald woman. The emotions and experiences she describes are so on point that it gives me goosebumps. It feels like she read my mind and was sharing my thoughts with the world. 

Some of my favorite quotes:

“I did not want to go to sleep because I did not want the morning to come, where I would remove this bonnet and my wrap and be met with more hair in the sink and an image in the mirror, in the mirror of a person who increasingly felt like a stranger to me.”

“I was wearing this wig, fully clothed. But in that moment, I couldn’t recall the last time I’d ever felt more naked.”

 “I didn’t have the luxury of mourning what felt like the loss of a limb. It was a moment of transformation, not of my choosing”

“I felt naked, exposed, vulnerable. I felt embarrassed. I felt ashamed. I felt betrayed.”

I felt these quotes in my SOUL! I  will never forget the days where sleep was my biggest fear. Every night I prayed that I would wake up and the hair loss would be done. Yet every morning I would wake up to find more piles of hair on my pillow case. And when I purchased my first wig, I thought I would finally feel normal. Instead, I felt like the elephant in the room. I felt vulnerable, scared, and shameful of my secret. I felt like my wig was actually a light up sign on my head that read, “Look at her! It’s sideshow Sup! She is bald! That is a wig!” Like Rep. Pressley, I didn’t have the luxury of mourning what felt like the loss of a limb. Say it again with me, I didn’t have the luxury of mourning what felt like the loss of a limb. My God, truer words have never been spoken! There is no mourning time with alopecia. It is a loss that is felt daily, but society expects you to function as if nothing has changed. I couldn’t call off of work every time alopecia sent my mind into a state of disarray. If I had, I would have called off every single day for 2 and a half years. Life must go on no matter how badly you miss your hair. No matter how devastated you are that your hair is now gone and there is a chance you will never see it again for the rest of your life. After all, to society, “At least it's just hair”. Words that are so easy to say until you become the person whose hair was lost in a matter of months.  

This is why stories like Rep. Pressely and Ricki Lake are just SO IMPORTANT. There is comfort and solace in knowing the emotions you are feeling are shared by other women in all walks of life. From a bad ass congresswoman, to an iconic talk show host and actress. It fills my cup knowing these stories are out there inspiring others on their hair loss journeys. It is further proof that you can have success, you can have happiness, and you can have love regardless of if you have hair or not!!!

If you haven’t seen the article from The Root yet, here is the link. You will not be disappointed. Thank your Representative Pressley for being so raw and inspiring. You are truly out here changing lives!

THE Representative Ayanna Pressley

Monat Mo' Problemz

Ever since I started my blog, I’ve received a steady flow of DMs from women who sell Monat. For those of you who don’t know, Monat is the MLM of the hair care world. All of these DMs are nearly identical. “Hey girl! I came across your profile and love it! I work for an exclusive natural hair product line that has helped women with alopecia...etc etc etc.”  At first, I wasn’t super bothered by it. I’ve been there. I used to be a beachbody coach and I know allllll about how this MLM world works. And if I’m being perfectly honest, I still feel icky about the messages I sent people to get them to buy product and/or join my team. BARF! Can we add dipping my toe into the MLM world to the robust list of things I regret from my 20s? Somewhere in between plucking my eyebrows down to tiiiiiny lines and frat boys.  

Anyways back to Monat. Guys, I’m annoyed. Not so much at the people who message me, but more so at Monat for feeding these lines to these women who have NO CLUE (sorry in advance for the caps lock yells) what alopecia truly entails or feels like. Say it with me…Alopecia is an autoimmune disease and THERE IS NO CURE FOR ALOPECIA (screams with a quivering lip and tear). Spontaneous regeneration can always happen. Meaning your immune system can calm the F down and your hair can grow back. It happens all the time. It’s the reason why I have a random wild turnip of hair growing on the back of my head while the rest of me is as bald as a Beluga Whale. Even the medical treatments are not a cure. Instead they suppress your immune system which can cause your hair to grow back. There is no guarantee though, and the only medication that has shown consistent results requires you to take it for the rest of your life. Otherwise say bye bye to your hair all over again. 

Which means if Monat actually did a damn thing to help women with alopecia, literally every baldie I know would keep gallon jugs of it in their bathrooms. It is so hard though. When you have alopecia, there can be a long period of frantic cure searching. It is a deep rooted desperation to get your hair back at all costs. Monat is coaching its sales peeps to prey on this. Plain and simple. Sure, they may have a handful of “testimonials” from women who claim they got their hair back because of it. Sure, they probably have a doc or two who got paid to talk about how it is the cure all! Truth is, those are the outliers. Those are the youtube videos they will send you to get your hopes up and wallets empty. I mean you guys, I used to sell shakeology and the number of times I shared videos about how shakeology cures XYZ is just so embarrassing. At the time I believed it. I believed that these videos had to be true and would help me grow my biz into a massive cash cow. SMH. 

Now truly, this blog isn’t here to bash the living poop out of MLMs. I can respect the hustle. What I can’t respect is sliding into the DMs of someone who is so heartbroken and devastated by their hair loss and preying on that to make a quick product sale. The ick factor of that is NEXT LEVEL.

All of this to say, leave your local baldies alone, go sell to your friends who have hair, and if I get another voice message in my DMs from a Monat sales person, I may flush my phone down the toilet. That is all friends. That is all. 

PS on a completely unrelated note, I accidently burned pasta today. So that happened…womp womp!

Started At The Bottom

Somedays I post on my Baldie Boo Instagram and get comments from people telling me they wish they could be as brave as me. It is the best to receive compliments like that, but when I read them, I feel like that puzzled giphy. You know the one. Where the girl is standing there confused as math problems swirl around her head. Brave is never a word I’ve associated with myself. Except on days where I’m having an anxiety attack and I repeatedly tell myself to be brave over and over again. Which just happened to happen today while I was driving to a friend’s wedding shower. Do any of you get driving anxiety? I do and it can be THE WORST. I spent a solid 30 min telling myself to be brave while trying to convince my brain that a semi was not going to plow through my car on my way up North. It is like I am an American Ninja Warrior and everyday my brain is giving me a new warped wall to scale. Anywho, it got me thinking about my alopecia journey. How did I go from the girl who would have rather eaten fried worms than appear in public bald, to the girl who now has a social media dedicated to her bald head and just went to work wig free?!? I came up with a list of things that helped me get to this point and I thought I’d dig deeper into each one in the coming weeks. This week’s contender—attitude of gratitude! Raise your hand if your life completely changed after watching ‘The Secret’ and you’ve spent every day since waiting for checks in the mail! *Raises Hand* Seriously though, I know some people think it is all a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but I swear it’s a real thing! The more things in life you can be grateful for, the happier and more fulfilling life becomes. I’m not completely unrealistic about. I know I could write “I am so grateful and thankful for my beautiful hair” 84 trillion times a day, and my head will stay as bald as can be (said from personal experience because you know I tried!). I get it. BUT I find that journaling things I’m grateful has helped me heal over the years. When I am not actively seeking out things to be grateful for, my brain has a tendency to dip into the emo side of life. You know how it goes— 

“UGH I don’t have hair wahhh”“Why is my life always so hard wahhh”“Nothing ever works out in my favor wahhhh”*Turns on early 2000 Avirl Lavigne and sits in a corner and sulks*

 When I seek out things to be grateful for, I feel lighter. It makes me feel like I am a hop, skip, and a jump away from finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Which is why I love to write in a gratitude journal every night. Putting those uplifting words to paper helps them become engrained in my brain. It helps me feel strong when I’m not sure if I have strength. It makes me feel in control even on the days where alopecia feels like it has taken all control. It makes me feel refreshed and like a new woman ready to take on the world! The funny thing is, the more I find to be grateful for, the more positive I feel. The more positive I feel, the more pieces of my life start to fall together. The more pieces of my life start to fall to together, the more grateful I feel. And so, continues the circle of life! So where do you begin? I suggest start small so it is not too daunting. Three things everyday that you are happy and grateful for. Annnd GO! One of my favorites is “I am so happy and grateful I am 100% healed inside and out!” I’ve written this one for years, and I’m sure you’re thinking…ummm if you were 100% healed wouldn’t you have all of your hair and no anxiety?! Possibly, BUT I will tell you one thing, I have more confidence and happiness now than I ever did when I had hair. To me, that is far more healed than I have ever been in my entire life. Just give it a fighting shot and let it work for you too! PS This week was extra exciting for me because one of my followers (@ishii_fishii) was inspired by my ‘don’t bring your wig to work day’ and followed suit! She stepped into her office minus wig, minus scarf, plus a boat load of amazing and supportive coworkers in their alopecia blue! I thought my heart was going to explode when I saw her coworkers celebrating her mental victory!! If you get a chance, stop by her Instagram page and give her a shout out. I am sooo proud to have been a very tiny part of her major win!

She Came, She Saw, She Conquered

A couple months ago I had this crazy ass thought. Go to work without my wig. Now granted, this thought has popped into my head before. Mostly on days where my wig is hot, itchy, pokey, or just plain annoying. However, on those days it was never a serious thought. More of a, “UGH I SHOULD JUST RIP THIS DUMB THING OFF” knowing very well I’d rather give up reality tv for life than show up at my work with my scalp exposed for the world to see. It was a shock, even to myself, when I started considering it seriously. It’s honestly very possible I was abducted by aliens and the normal scaredy cat Supriya is locked in a space ship while this alien Supriya who has a tiny smidge more of confidence has replaced me. The jury is still out. When Alopecia Awareness Month rolled around, I knew it was now or never. The first week of September I went on Amazon and ordered a couple alopecia shirts with the intention of having bald Friday occur on 9/6. The delivery dates had other ideas and my plans got pushed to 9/13. Friday the 13th, full moon, and my big bald head! I mean some would say that is the perfect trifecta. I told a few people knowing the more people I told, the less likely I could back out. On 9/12 I fully committed to the cause. I sent an email to my friends at work and told them my plans and to wear blue (alopecia blue to be exact) if they wanted to show support. I knew once I sent the email I was locked in. I pressed send and started shaking and sweating. This was it. It was happening.

Trying to keep my cool on the ride in. Emphasis on trying.

Friday morning my alarm went off and my nerves kicked in. Its funny because I can actually feel those same nerves now as I re-live that day. It is still all so surreal. I showered, threw on my nifty alopecia awareness ribbon shirt, slapped on some red lips (the perfect accessory to a bald head if you ask me), said a prayer I wouldn’t poop my pants in fear at work, and headed out the door. Many people asked me if I was going to keep my wig in the car, and the answer is no. I was ALL IN! Until I got into the parking garage that is. Then I was ALL NERVES. My heart was racing, the shakes were back, and I was so scared. What did I commit to?! I normally get to work pretty early so I was able to speed walk into the building without seeing many people. I sat down at my desk and waved hello to two of my teammates. They were in blue smiling excitedly at me. My heart was literally racing a mile a minute. I started to compose myself. “You can do this Supriya. You can do this” I kept telling myself over and over and over. All the meanwhile I was starting to sweat through my shirt, my hands were a quivering mess, and I was realizing just how cold office AC can be when you don’t have a wig on your head to keep you warm and toasty. 

Then it started happening. The trickle of blue. Tameka, Dan, and Greg! High fives, hugs, photo op. They were so excited for me. The trickle quickly turned into a stream. Wyatt, Kanchan, Sujay, Casey, Taylor, Greg, Haley, Genna, Hosanna, Brandon, Marie, Wes, Melinda, Rachel, Ashleigh, Colleen, John, my entire team, and so many others were wearing blue in support! Then it turned into a river. Friends off site were sending me pictures (Venrick, Ashley, Tiph, Jordan, Zigs, Andrew), friends who used to work with me were sending me pictures (Kathryn, Eddie), friends who couldn’t be there that day were texting me. Everywhere I looked I saw more and more blue and my world was taken over by an army of support. At lunch time it was apparent that my river was a massive ocean. My friend Rachel arranged to have us meet outside for a group photo. I expected a handful of people to show up tops. I stood on the patio and waited. I had completely underestimated what was actually going to happen. I was in complete shock witnessing the number of friends pouring out of the door in support of me and alopecia!!!!! I looked to the left and saw Amy (who is on maternity leave!) walk in with a stroller and her new born Decker in his blue! I could not believe how many people were out there with me. I still cannot wrap my head around it. If I named everyone, this blog would turn into a never-ending list of names. While I stood on the photo with all of these amazing humans, I felt such an overwhelming sense of emotions. I’ve never known what it is like to receive this type of love and support. I can only imagine that this is what Taylor Swift feels like every single moment of her life. It is a moment that will be engrained in my memory forever!

My ocean of Alopecia BLUE!

As the day went on, I got to sit down and have conversations with people about what it is like to have alopecia. What the struggles feel like. What triumphs feel like. I’ve worked at my company for 8.5 years. 4.5 years with hair and 4 years without. For the first time, I was able to just relax and have open honest conversations about the things I’d spent so much of my career hiding. For the first time, I was able to be me. I didn’t whisper about my wig. I didn’t worry people would hear me say the word wig. I didn’t have to worry that people who didn’t know about my alopecia would realize I was wearing wig. For once, I didn’t feel embarrassed and ashamed to be the person in the office with alopecia. For the very first time, I felt empowered to be the person in the office with alopecia. There are moments in life that will change your life forever. Full harvest moon and Friday the 13th of September 2019 is a day that completely changed my life. I’ve always loved the quote “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. It is safe to say my life began on Friday.

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So, what is next? Will I quit wigs and embrace being an alien head going forward? Full time--Definitely not. I love my wigs and don’t plan on giving them up! Part time though, I’m not sure! This day was meant to be a challenge. To see if I could grow a pair big enough to accomplish the task at hand. Now that it is over and done with, I realize that I can do whatever I want and that is wonderfully freeing. I can wear my wig, I can go bald, I can wear different wigs, and everything in between! It is so wild that I can literally just LIVE and so LIVE is what I will do.

“The comeback is always greater than the setback” ~Mike “The Situation” (Don’t judge my love for Jersey Shore guys!)

Drop It Like Its Hot

On Saturday I dedicated my evening to a wild night of sipping beers and washing wigs. Nothing says party like awkwardly sitting on the bathroom floor while washing an expensive pile of hair in a bucket. After 2 hours of air drying, I set up my normal drying station. Blow dryer, hair products, flat iron, brush, and ipad. I don’t fully understand why it takes me 78974545512 times more time to dry my wig hair than it did my bio hair, but this is just one of the many medical mysteries of alopecia. To help kill some time, I always throw on a bingey TV show. I am one of those weirdos who will binge watch the same show 1-2x a year for the rest of eternity. This week’s choice was Sex and the City. Do you guys remember the episode when Samantha and Carrie go wig shopping after Samantha lost her hair to chemo? It goes something like this: 

Wig shop owner: [places wig on Samantha] This is Candy. Shes very popular.

Samantha: I dont think you're listening. I dont want to look like Candy, I just want to look like myself.

Wig shop owner: Ma'am, these are wigs. They're not ever gonna look exactly like you. 

Samantha: That is not acceptable 

Wig shop owner: We could style the bangs. 

Samantha: Don't touch my head. 

Wig shop owner: I've worked with many women with cancer. 

Samantha: I don't have cancer. I have a premier and I don't want some second rate wig named after a hooker. My hair is my thing. This [hands wig back] is bull shit. 

I just sat there and laughed. Holy relatable batman. “I just want to look like myself”. There came a point on my alopecia journey where I realized that no wig was ever going to make me look like my old self. No matter the price, no matter the brand. Sure they help me feel more like my old self, give me confidence, and hide my alopecia from the world. However there will never be a day where I slap a wig on my head and think, "Oh man that looks like 2014 Supriya! No doubt!" Yeeeeah that is just not a thing.Speaking of, I had a moment of alopecia disdain on Friday. I was out on the town for my girl Alanna’s bachelorette party! We posed for a photo together and my eyebrow had the classic alopecia sheen. The one that comes hand in hand with having no actual hair growing from your brows. Yes, my brows have tats and makeup, but no matter what I do that sheen always remains. I looked at our pic and the first thing I noticed was the glimmering shine coming from my brow. Seriously, why is that?! There has got to be some makeup magic that fixes it and I am just too much of a newb to figure it out. To top that off, we were dancing our booties off and my head felt like a hot tub of sweat and heat. At one point I went into a bathroom stall, took off my wig, and used some TP to dry it off. Can’t a girl just drop it like its hot without having to worry about the aftermath to her wig?! Minus those two things, I had an amazing night out. Alopecia can work my nerves, piss me off, and make me embarrassed, but you better believe I am NOT going to let this shit ruin my nights out with my gals! 

Hair Dreamin

I had a weird dream this week. A friend was showing me old photos and I saw one of me when I still had hair. I just stared at it because I didn’t think it looked like me. Like I was a different person now and the person in the picture was a distant memory…a stranger even. I normally have crazy dreams so it’s not unusual for me to wake up and be bothered by them for a few hours. This one got me thinking because it has been a thought in the back of my head for a while. Do I still look like myself? Sometimes I see old pictures and think yes, some days I think no. I mean I look so different now. People used to ALWAYS tell me I looked just like my mom. Since alopecia, I’ve noticed that has changed. I rarely hear that anymore. I think it’s because I lost some of those common features. The way her hair grows on her face. The way her eyebrows are shaped. I suppose I can’t expect to look exactly the same. A wig will never look the same as my hair. I’ll never have those weird short hairs on my forehead that used to drive me mad, but also were such a part of me. A wig will never part the way my hair parted and will never sit the way my hair sat. I’ll never have those same eyebrows. Microblading will never create the same face I had when I had my own brows. So, I suppose it’s true. The girl I was is now just a distant memory…
 

The Anxiety Chronicles

Can we talk about anxiety for a second? By second, I mean the length of time it takes you to read this post lol. Anxiety is something I have dealt with for most of my life. My first memory of it dates all the way back to 1st grade. I entered the building for the first day of school and FREAKED out. Why I freaked out is beyond me. Going to kindergarten and preschool was easy peasy. Yet here I was breaking down so badly that I puked my guts out. Right there on the classroom floor. Puke-a-roo. Quite the way to make an impression for myself don’t ya think? This ritual continued for about a week. My anxiety pukes became business as usual. So much so that my teacher put a garbage can next to my desk. Likely to give the janitor a break from cleaning daily floor vomit. Yes ladies and gentleman, I was that girl. To this day I do not know why I would go into a complete fight or flight mode when I walked into that room, but eventually I worked through it and enjoyed the rest of my elementary school days. The next occurrence happened in 8th grade. Once again, it seemingly came out of nowhere. My middle school moved into a new building mid-year and all of a sudden, my anxiety made a return appearance. I would enter a state of panic that told me not to go to school. Not in that normal, I’m a pre-teen who ain’t feeling that classroom life kinda way, but in that omg I’m going to pass out, or die, or something awful is surely going to happen kinda way. I started making myself throw up so my parents would have a reason to keep me home. Puke is apparently a common theme of this blog. I even rubbed my mom’s lipsticks into my cheeks in hopes that I’d look red and ill to pull off the act. I probably just looked like bozo the clown honestly. Quickly my parents realized I wasn’t actually sick and forced me to go to school. I bet you are wondering if I was bullied. My parents were wondering the same thing. Was I being picked on? Was something bad happening? The answer is nope. Literally, nothing bad was happening. I had a great life and this paralyzing fear was a result of nothing more than my brain taking extra steps to scare the shit out of me.As I’ve gotten older, the gamut of things that make me anxious has steadily grown, and my experiences with it have changed. I’ve learned that I am EXTREMELY sensitive to other people’s emotions. When I am around someone who is high strung, overly worried, or trying to be over protective of me, my anxiety shoots through the roof. It feels like I start to absorb their stressors and I become suffocated by it. 2017 was my first experience with a panic attack. I was driving to work and about to turn onto the highway. Suddenly, I felt this crazy sensation like I was going to pass out. I became light headed, my face became extremely hot, and my entire body began sweating. I spent the entire drive talking myself down and blasting the AC in my face. At the time, I was still extremely depressed and overwhelmed by my alopecia, and I was on anxiety overload because I was recovering from a pulmonary embolism. I continued to have panic attacks daily. They would strike whenever they pleased—driving, walking through the grocery store, at work, at dinner with friends, in the airport. The only time they didn’t happen was when I was in the comfort of my apartment. I’ve always been open with my friends and family about having anxiety, but I’ve never really opened up about my panic attacks. I was so good at maintaining a smile on the outside while mentally losing it on the inside. Since starting this blog, my panic attacks have significantly decreased. I’m by no means “recovered”, but I’ve gotten to a much better mental state. I’ve come to terms with the fact that anxiety has been and always will be a part of me. Much like alopecia, learning to own it and cope with it is what has helped me the most. It doesn’t change the fact that it is a pain in the ass. It doesn’t change the fact that my brain is CONSTANTLY trying to scare me out of doing the smallest things—driving, leaving the house, applying for new jobs, etc. It doesn’t change the fact that every second of the day my brain is telling me “no you can’t do that” and I have to tell it “screw you, yes I can!” However, it does mean that no matter how hard anxiety tries to win, I still get to tell it, “not today brah, not today.”

Roomies and Baldies

This past week I traveled to Utah for work. Landed in Sat Lake, and headed to Provo to take care of business. My company has a unique travel policy that requires employees to share a room. I recently joined a new team and not everyone was aware of the no hair situation I have going on up top. Truthfully, when I learned I was going to have to share a room, I panicked. Yes, I am comfortable sharing my baldness on the interwebs, but hair is such a key component to my professional look. Not saying that bald is unprofessional. Just saying that for me, I’m never in the office sans wig. It was most certainly going to catch my new coworker off guard to witness me transform from fab hair to nothing but scalp in a matter of seconds. Sleeping in a wig is not an option for me. I’ve tried it and it was the most uncomfortable night of sleep of my life. I need to be bare head on pillow to sleep like the angel I’m trying to be. Therefore, I knew I had to tell my roomie.When I saw the email confirming the travel accommodations, my stomach sank and panic set in. I sat at my desk feeling a smidge pukey with a dash of pitting, and some low-grade shakes. I decided to handle this in typical Supriya fashion and make a joke out of it. No one can sense your panic on the inside when you are all smiles and laughs on the outside. Am I right?! My email went something like this “Just a heads up, I have alopecia and look like a normal person by day, but look like a bald alien creature by night.” I then processed to use a yellow emoji face to paint the full picture. Next, I IMd my roomie to be and let her know that I would give her fair warning before the wig came off. I shouldn’t have been surprised when she was totally cool with everything. The room sharing was not a big deal at all. Yes, I was nervous, but my roommate was so chill and awesome. I couldn’t have asked for a better stranger to be bunkies with! I don’t know why I always feel so scared of people’s reaction to my alopecia when it is up close and personal. I assume they will be uncomfortable or offended by my scalp. Yet that’s all it is. Just a plain jane run of the mill scalp. It’s not like I’m hiding a tattoo of Tweetie bird and Taz making obscene gestures (throwback to every 90s baby who once rocked a Looney Tunes temporary tattoo). Also, I have no control over it. This is just part of me now and I need to find a way to accept the fact that other people are totally fine with it too. Yes, jokes and making fun of myself before someone can make fun of me will always be my self defense tactic. However, I need to convince myself that people aren’t going to stop, drop, and roll when they see my head. Hopefully, that day will come soon, but for now I remain a forever work in progress...

Alopecia Unleashed My Inner Diva - Lady Alopecia Guest Post

Friends, I’d like to introduce you to Lady Alopecia! I am so honored to have her take over my blog today with this AMAZING post! It won’t take long for you to figure out exactly why I am BEYOND excited to have this funny, inspiring, glitter fueled, radiant spirit guest post on my page. Lady Alopecia, your confidence and light shine through in the words you share. Thank you for being a part of my blog, and most importantly thank you for being such a wonderful and supportive baldie friend! xoxoxoWhen I was growing up, my hair was a big deal. Strangers would ruffle it. Relatives would ask where the hell it had come from (cue the milkman jokes) and I’d often get stopped in the street for some randomer to tell me how unusual it was. How lucky I was to have such beautiful auburn curls.Unsurprisingly, I grew pretty attached to my hair.So when it decided to detach itself from me, the person who’d given it a home for 10 years, it felt like a big ol’ slap in the face.Being a teenager with alopecia was tough. I was in boarding school and… well… bitches aren’t always cute dogs, right?! I got very good at shrinking, at hiding, at making myself invisible. I was pretty tall but managed to fold in on myself most of the time.Still, at least the patches weren’t too bad back then. I had them under control.But later, in my mid-20s, the patches grew bigger and bigger. Taunting me – the more I’d try to hide them, the more they’d reveal themselves.After a few years of wig wearing, I decided that I was sick of hiding my alopecia, of feeling like I was hiding my true self, too. So I did what any rebellious soul would do – I made a statement. I told alopecia to f**k right off and stop controlling my life. And I pulled a Britney and shaved my head.I thought I’d feel strong, liberated and fierce afterwards.But instead I felt weak. And scared. And very very bumpy-headed.As kids we used to have a “board race” during our school’s Sports Day. Basically, you’d have to balance a board, about the size and weight of a hardback novel, on your head and walk as fast as you could to the finish line. Like if America’s Next Top Model did relay races – only the straight-backed, flat-headed stood a chance.Anyway, as I clapped eyes on my shiny new bald look, I realised why I’d never made it more than a few steps with that damned board! Because a bump the size of an egg rose out of my already egg-shaped head. I was like a novelty Easter egg. What had I done?!Still, I’d made the decision to stop wearing wigs and I was sticking to it. And so I began rocking my bald head out, free from wigs or headscarves, for the first time in 8 long years.Embracing the bald was a big risk, sure – but it definitely paid off. The support I received was phenomenal and I began feeling more comfortable in myself than I’d ever been, even with a full head of hair.One of the best moments was returning to choir. A community choir that sang soul music (and wore a lot of sequins!), made up of women and men from all walks of life. When I joined the previous year, I knew I’d found my tribe and Wednesday evening rehearsals were the highlight of my week. After all, how can you feel down when blasting out Try a Little Tenderness with some of the warmest, most inspirational people you’ve ever met?They’d only known me with my wigs and headscarves so I was nervous going back into that room. But the flurry of hugs and the amazing words I received lifted me right up. I laughed and joked about my baldiness and for the first time, I learned to speak openly about my alopecia without welling up.Over the next few weeks, I got so used to my new look that I forgot all about it at times! Until I’d glimpse a pale beach ball bobbing past a shop window and I’d realise it was just my reflection. Oh well.The funny thing was, once I’d accepted my alopecia, my hair grew back!Tentatively, a downy fuzz spread across my scalp. Within a few weeks, I was less of a Mr Potato Head, more of a Donald Duck. Until eventually I had a head full of the short stuff…… For a grand total of 2 months. Then a sneaky patch popped up on the back of my head. Which spread...and spread...and you can guess the rest. This time, I took control early on. I went to the hairdresser, asked her to shave my remaining hair into a mohawk style and embraced my new look.And you know what? I’m pretty happy with how it all turned out! Because I’ve finally found my own voice, my own style, instead of trying on others’ for size.Example 1I’ve always been partial to a bit of glitter – even more so when I joined that choir. But shaving my head gave me permission to stop playing safe and to start afresh. To use my bald head as a blank canvas for all kinds of colourful creations.Nowadays, I decorate my mohawk with flowers, feathers, fairy lights… you name it, I’ve tried it. My friends even know me as The Glitter Fairy. And I carry a vial of the shiny stuff in my bag at all times. Just in case. ;)Example 2Festivals are my favourite things on earth. I used to go to them with flowery headbands, or a colourful wig if I was feeling particularly cray-cray. And now? I spend the entire 3 days in a range of elaborate costumes – homemade wigs, sequinned wings, elaborate fake eyelashes made for drag queens but claimed by me… let’s just say, I’m no longer trying to hide!The thing is, I’ve spent so much of my life trying to blend in. But now that I’ve accepted my alopecia, even learned to love it in some ways, I’m happy to stand out.Sure, there are days when I get sick of the attention.Like when I’m sweating like crazy, cycling in 100° heat and an entire cafe of Vietnamese people turns to point and laugh at my shiny head (mohawks don’t stand too proudly in the heat). Just like there are times when I’d give anything to complain about a bad hair day.But having alopecia has led to so many positive experiences. And it’s made me braver in every sense. Not just dealing with this shitty condition and with all it entails – but being able to put myself out there, to not worry what people think and to express myself in whatever way I choose. Sometimes the experiment pays off; other times I look less like Furiosa and more like Sideshow Bob. But that’s all part of the adventure, right?!After all, the Björks and the Grace Joneses of this world don’t shy away from the limelight. Or from their wonderful weirdness, their need to embrace and display the strange. They’re the people who inspire me to connect with my inner diva. And to help others embark on their own shiny, glitter-filled journey.That’s why, bald and bold, hairfree and carefree… I’m proud to be Lady Alopecia.Connect with Lady Alopecia:Lady Alopecia is a copywriter, yoga teacher and alopecian currently living in Hoi An, Vietnam. Read more about her adventures on her website or follow her on Instagram. 

Thank You Mom

Dear Mom,I would have never gotten through this alopecia adventure without you. When I felt like giving up, you were always in my corner. Through my tears you would always tell me that you wished you could have alopecia instead. You would have taken every ounce of hair loss and pain I was experiencing to give me my happiness back. You always used your motherly senses to know exactly when my low days were back. When the darkness was creeping back in. Even when I was trying to give an academy award winning performance of hiding my sadness, you always sensed it. I could facetime you and tell you I was fine 10000 times in a row, but those conversations were always followed up with texts like, “Hi Sup. You sounded low today. Call later if you want to talk.” Short, simple, but so meaningful and exactly what I needed to hear. I always feared my sadness was a burden, but you made it clear that my happiness is all that mattered to you. You were all the way in Ohio, but you did everything to let me know you were there for me. You would have hopped on a plane the second I needed you. You made sure the cost of wigs was never something I’d have to worry about. You and Dad did everything you could to help me get my happiness back. I couldn’t have done it without you Mom. I wouldn’t be where I am without you. I would have given up, but instead I am thriving. Thank you, Mom. I wish every child in the world could have a Mom like you. I feel so lucky to have you! Love you so much!Sup

Off To The Races

Once upon a time, I was an avid endurance runner. You know the kind. I was one of those people who thought it was fun to spend a Saturday morning running 13.1 miles to get a medal, all the glory, and a sweet gram pic of me crossing the finish line with my hands in the air waving around like I just don’t care. I had a very standard race day look:1. Nike running crops2. Athletic running top (the long-sleeved purple target option for cold runs)3. Brooks running cap4. New balance running kicksI’d throw my hair into a pony and off I’d go. It was through these races that I met a fellow running loon, Troy. I was running a Kooky Spooky Halloween ½ marathon and noticed a runner who seemed to be having the TIME OF HIS LIFE. He was singing along to his tunes, snapping selfies, posing for the race course photographers. Through the power of Instagram hashtags, I found his account. After that race, we would frequently bump into each other at future races. Troy knew the pre-alopecia Supriya and all of her pony tail glory. Fast forward to the hot chocolate 15K in October of 2015. This was my first race post alopecia. I had decided that I would just maintain my normal race day look sans pony. At this point, I wasn’t comfortable working out in a wig. I only had my Follea, and there was no way I was wearing that piece for a run. I could barely ride in a hot car without it turning my entire head into a fountain of sweat. I decided to just plop a cap on my bald head and go. I figured, it would look just like I had my hair pulled back in a pony tail anyhow. The art of deception! The race started, and my friend Michelle and I took off. The hot chocolate is a blast of a race. Snacks and treats throughout the entire course and a piping hot bowl of chocolate fondue at the finish line. The best part of running is the food! Am I right?! In typical Denver running addicts anonymous fashion, I saw Troy throughout the race. In typical Troy fashion, he snapped many fun “runfies” (runner selfies for you non-running folk). When the race completed, I received notifications that I had been tagged in some of Troy’s photos. I excitedly scrolled to the pics and froze. I wanted to throw up. It did not look like I was wearing my hair pulled back in a pony tail. It looked like I was the baldest of bald chicks who slapped a hat on her head to hide it. I panicked. I hadn’t publicly told anyone other than my close circle that I was bald. I was so scared that someone would see me in these pics and my secret would be out. I untagged myself and cried like I often did at the beginning of my alopecia journey. I wanted the old days back. The days where I could feel my pony tail bouncing on my back, while I attempted to PR a run. The days where I felt like I looked like a bad ass in every race pic. This was the first time I felt embarrassed and ashamed of what I had allowed myself to look like on the race course.  I recently reconnected with Troy and he was kind enough to send me these pics. When I look at them now, I realize something…I do look like a bad ass in these. I look strong, I look healthy, I look happy! I look like I’m doing something that not a lot of people can do and loving the shit out of it. I look the way anyone should look when they are running a race with HOT CHOCOLATE in the title. I couldn’t see it then, but I can see it now. It is just another reminder that hindsight is 20/20 with alopecia. In the hardest moments its so hard to see anything other than BALD, BALD, BALD. It is so hard to look in a mirror or look at a photo and think positive thoughts. It is so easy to look at yourself and call yourself ugly. It is easy because you actually feel those things. It is not until you take a step back and let yourself heal that you start to see things for what they are. Beauty is not hair. Beauty is loving yourself the way you are. Beauty is the times you stayed strong when you didn’t think you could last for another second. Beauty is when you can find happiness and peace within yourself as you are. To all my baldie boos who aren’t there yet, please keep fighting to get there. I was you too!! I didn’t think happiness was ever going to be in the cards again. I didn’t think I’d every be okay with alopecia. I didn’t think that this day would ever come, but it did!! This means it will come for you too!! Keep the faith! xoxoxo

Brows Or Bust

You guys. I’ve been sick as hell this past week. I thought I could push through and force this thing out of me until Friday night hit. I had the energy of a sea slug riding the struggle bus. I went to bed with the chills and woke up in the middle of the night with a fever. I got up to pee and ended up laying on the bathroom floor covered in sweat. When I woke up, I took my butt to the urgent care and got myself some antibiotics. I proceeded to spend the rest of my Saturday horizontal. I cannot remember the last time I was so worthless. Walking to the kitchen took all of my energy and I could barely eat. Luckily the antibiotics seem to be working because I woke up Sunday morning feeling better. By better I mean that I can stand for 5 minutes without requiring a chair and/or bed to crash in. I’m still far from 100%, but I think it is safe to say I am on the mend. *knocks on wood* My boyfriend was getting ready to take me to urgent care when I said, “Wait let me draw on my eyebrows first!” I walked my feeble body to the bathroom and did some speed eyebrow drawing. I also slapped on some mascara for good measure. Did this make me look any better? HECK NO. I still looked sick AF because I was sick AF! So, I have to ask myself why?! It was literally 7:15 in the morning on a Saturday. What was I so scared of?? First of all, half the world is barely awake at 7:15 on a Saturday. They surely aren’t at the urgent care. Second of all, who cares if they are?! If they are there, they are likely dealing with their own medical issue and could care less if I drew on my eyebrows that day. Lastly, if someone did see me in this state, it would most likely be a stranger so why does it even matter? It is in passing. It is someone who I may see for a few minutes and will never see again for the rest of my life. Why was it SO important for me to put on brows and mascara? I don’t really have an answer for this. I think it is just one of my underlying alopecia insecurities. Maybe one day I will give no fucks and not give it a second thought, but today I still give some fucks and brows and mascara is as minimalist as I get.

Wigs And Insurance

Every now and then I have dreams that my hair has grown back. Last night was one of those nights. My hair was back and I was so excited that it was FINALLY long enough to wear in a sloppy bun! For whatever reason Miley Cyrus was also in my dream and she was stoked for me. Needless to say, I woke up with no sloppy bun and no hype girl Miley. Shoot! Today I wanted to write about alopecia and insurance. When I lost all of my hair, I was shocked to find out my insurance did not provide coverage for wigs. After some research I learned that this is an all too common thing in the alopecia world. Apparently having your immune system attack all of your hair follicles leaving you with less hair than you had at birth is not reason enough to provide coverage. It is cruel and so completely unfair. Especially since human hair wigs typically cost $1000+ on a good day. Reality is that most HH wigs are at least $2000 - $5000 depending on length, density, and cap. If you want a cap that adheres to your scalp without tape or glue, you have to shell out the big bucks. The human hair wig industry is designed for the rich and fabulous, but alopecia doesn’t give a crap about your income bracket. So, what should you do? Try to get your insurance to pay for it even if they say they won’t! I’m not saying that this will work for everyone, and even if they decide to pay, it is very likely that they will only pay a percentage. Either way, money is money and its worth a shot! I submitted a claim for my first wig and ended up getting 6% back! This sounds like nothing, but my first wig was expensive AF and 6% was WAY better than nothing. Especially since insurance said they’d cover 0. Here is what you should do:• Get a prescription or a letter from your doctor explaining the reason why you need a cranial prosthesis. This should include a diagnosis code.• Purchase your wig from a salon that knows how to create an insurance friendly invoice. The receipt should not say ‘wig’ anywhere on it. Your purchase should be billed out as a ‘cranial prosthesis’ (because that is exactly what it is).• The salon will need to include the proper insurance code along with their Tax ID.• Submit the claim and hope for the best!• If they deny it, CALL! Call and talk to supervisors or whoever you need to until they understand that this is not a normal claim. My claims have always been denied until they get sent to the complex billing department. Be your own advocate! A no does not always mean no. To me a no just means you haven’t talked to the right person in the department who can help.After my first wig, my company’s insurance switched over and they now offer partial coverage. Even so, it has taken me months to get each claim processed correctly. Each time it is initially denied. Then after months of phone calls it gets approved and processed. Every. Single. Time. This is why I say you MUST be your own advocate!! For me, beautiful wigs helped me with my healing. If it weren’t for Follea, Yaffa, and Shuly, I don’t think I’d be at this place of peace that I am. I want insurance to get on board with helping every alopecian get to this same place of peace by eliminating that financial hardships that come along with hair loss. My hope is that one day they will hop on board, but until then keep fighting for yourselves friends!

Dating In The City

Last week my mindset was all off and I spent an entire weekend being jealous of every girl with hair on Instagram. On Monday I reset my noodle. In the past couple weeks, I’ve been so caught up with life and trying to figure out next steps that I’ve let gratitude journaling go on the back burner. Now I’m back at it AND I downloaded a gratitude app to help me focus on the things I DO have throughout the day. I may not have hair, but I surely have a lot of other things going for me. I know some people think law of attraction and gratitude is mumbo jumbo, but for me it has always helped me turn my frown upside down. Today I wanted to write a post about everyone’s favorite topic…DATING with alopecia…dun dun duuuuun. I’m going to be honest with you, I’ve never been a good dater. In the past I’ve been told I have a “broken picker”, but the reality of the situation was that my picker was broken, twisted, and backwards with a mind of its own. If you followed my blog from day one, you know that alopecia entered my world at the end of a very toxic relationship. Boy bye. Hair bye. Rude! In my opinion, this is no coincidence. I’m not going to say I was perfect because I was far from it and I made some massive mistakes. However, I probably would have avoided a ton of poor life decisions, heartache, disappointment, and hurt had I left many moons before the relationship combust. I pulled the classic girl move and stayed with the hope that he would eventually become the man he was man he was when we first. Has there ever been a relationship in history where this game plan actually worked? Why do we ladies always do this? I stayed when I was crying every day. I stayed when every day was filled with unbearable anxiety in anticipation for the next hurtful thing that was most certainly going to happen. I stayed when trust was broken, and bridges were burnt. I stayed when I completely lost myself and was acting out in ways that I can’t even believe were me. In ways that go completely against my core beliefs and morals. This toxicity imprinted on my body. My body handled the emotional strain until it couldn’t anymore and started to manifest the pain physically. I believe this is what triggered me to lose my hair. I believe the universe was grabbing be by the shoulders, violently shaking me to get my life together, and begging me to let go and move one. Begging me to fill my life with people who healed me and mentally cut this person out. I finally listened and moved the hell on! Thank you, little baby Jesus! After losing my hair, I assumed I’d be single for the rest of my existence. After losing my eyebrows, I completely gave up on ever finding a life partner. I could not imagine a man being okay with a chick who looked like a little brown alien when her hair and makeup came off. I didn’t like looking at myself in the mirror, so I couldn’t imagine a guy looking at me and thinking, “Oh yeah! Sign me up for that!” I had succumbed to the fact that the only men in my life would be pets. I got to a point where I even made peace with this. To me it was a win win. A pet couldn’t yell at me, put me down, lie to me, or stomp on my heart. Seemed like a no brainer!One day I realized I didn’t want to be alone forever. I think I always knew this, but I finally admitted it to myself. As many times as I joked that nobody wanted a bald/eyebrowless gal, I secretly hoped that there was a nice guy out there who did. I decided I’d join the millennials and download the apps. I tried a few…tinders, bumbles, coffee meets bagels etc. Downloading these apps made me realize I’m the WORST at online dating. I’ve never been the casual dating kinda gal, so having to form a connection with someone through an app was my worst nightmare. There was also the big bald elephant in the room. Should I be forthcoming about my hair loss on my profile? Should I post a bald pic? Should I tell the guy in our first message? Is it rude of me not to tell him? What happens after I share this fact? Is he going to ghost? Is he going to be mean to me? Is he going to tell me to keep my wig and makeup on at all times? Is he going to tell me I’m unattractive when I’m not done up? I was not used to dating good men, and I assumed the worst of the worst of every guy I swiped on. This is why I pretty much never swiped right. Every time I opened an app my head flooded with these concerns. Every now and then I would get enough courage to message with a guy, but I would immediately ghost before he had the chance to ask me on a date. I would tell my friends it was because the conversation was boring. The truth was that I was too scared to let myself be vulnerable and share my truth with a man who could hurt me. There was a time in my early 20s where I had men in my life who were so cruel to me about my weight. I remembered how badly it crushed me. Yet it was also something I could control. As unhealthy as this sounds, I knew I could lose weight if I never wanted a man to be mean to me about my weight again. However, I had no control over my alopecia. If a man was mean to me about my bald head, there was nothing I could do change it. There was nothing I could do to make him love me. It sounds so f’d up and it is. What I should have thought is, “If I a man is mean to me about ANYTHING, BOY BYE! See you never!” Instead I let these fears and insecurities hold me back from putting myself out there. After my 35th birthday (after much gentle nudging from my BFFs) I FINALLY said yes to going out with two different guys I matched with on good ol’ Tinder. I made the decision not to tell either of them about my alopecia before the date. Date 1Let’s call him Gaston. Dude…Gaston was very touchy. (red flag) Like bro back off touchy. We were at a non-boozy brunch on a Sunday afternoon. Keep your hands to yourself sir! I had been out of the dating game for so long that I didn’t know if this was what the kids were doing these days. We were sitting next to each other at the bar of a brunch place, and I moved my bangs out of my face. Welp his first instinct was to reach over and move my bang out of my face. In doing so, he immediately touched my wig and froze, and I froze. My sweat mustache instantly started beading up. He looked at me and said, “Are you? Is that a…” to which I responded by shouting “I HAVE ALOPECIA!!” Played it really cool cow girl. He quickly asked what alopecia was and I explained. I was a nervous wreck. It was not in my plan to talk about any of this. I was shocked to realize he was okay with it. He even said it was cool that I could change my hair up with and wear different styles anytime I wanted. I told him I wanted to get a short wig, and he said “No! I like my girls with long hair” (reg flag) Then he randomly said, “You know what, nobody is perfect. I’ll tell you something about me…………..I’m lactose intolerant.” YOU GUYS. HE WAS NOT KIDDING AROUND. He was comparing my hair loss to him getting the toots after eating cheese. (RED FLAG) Finally at the end of the date, he scooped me up like a small child in the parking lot. (red flag) So yeah, that was the end of that. Date 2Let’s call him Joe Camel. This guy was super nice. We met at a bar to grab a beer and just chatted and laughed the night away. He stopped the conversation to take off his hat and tell ME that HE was bald!! He wanted to warn me incase that was a deterrent!!! I was shook. I immediately responded with, “Well I have alopecia and I am bald too!!!” We had a laugh about it and just went on with the conversation. The date was very fun, but he was smoker (spew). He even left the date to smoke a cig. I wasn’t feeling a romantic spark, and this is why I declined a date two. He was a great guy though, and I’m sure he is out there making some gal happy now. Shortly after that, I threw in the towel on online dating. I would keep swiping here and there, but had completely lost interest in trying to connect with people via an app. Even though my first two dates were totally cool with my alopecia, my fears about people’s reaction to this disease paralyzed my dating progress. I bet you’re wondering how the heck I got me a man without online dating. Welllllll…that is a story for another day 😊 I will share a few things about him though! I’ve never in my life been with a man who is so sweet, kind, and caring with my heart. My cat LOVES him! He is my best friend and he makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the entire world no matter what I look like. I could be done up to the nines or a hot mess morning alien face. He always makes me feel so loved no matter what and my heart is so full. I’d say my picker is finally fixed!! I want my fellow alopecians to know that there are good humans out there who WILL love you and all your alopecia beauty. Having no hair just gives you a leg up because you can quickly weed out the people who don’t genuinely care about you for you. If someone is awful to you about your hair loss, that is 10000000% a reflection on themselves and has NOTHING to do with you. When someone is kind and accepting, that is the kind of person you DESERVE to have! Don’t sell yourselves short and keep the faith!

I got the baldie blues

I’m having one of those weekends where I feel jealous of girls with hair. I am emotionally cutting and scrolling hair envy pics on Instagram that are causing a giant jealous knot to build in my stomach. Since starting this blog, I’ve found it easier and easier to be positive about this disease. I’ve met so many rad chicks and dudes who are killing the alopecia game. They inspire me daily and have helped me accept this for what it is. But today I’m just feeling annoyed. When this all started, I always assumed my hair would come back. Now, I am less than 2 months shy of my FOUR year goodbye hairaversary. You’d think by now I wouldn’t even care. Yet today I scrolled page after page on Instagram feeling envious. This feeling of envy was immediately followed by a feeling of guilt. Guilt because so many of my friends are going through medical journeys that are so much harder, so much scarier, so much more trying. Guilt knowing that I have my health yet am sitting here throwing a pity party for no good reason. So yeah, I suppose its just one of those days where my sensitivity is at a level 847 billion. What do my fellow alopecians do when you have the baldie blues?

Alopecian Working Woman

Imagine this. Your hair is falling out by the handful. There is not a second of the day that passes where hair is not falling all over you. Nothing is stopping it. All you want to do is curl up in a ball under a cover and hide from the world. But shit, you can’t do that. You’ve got to pull your life together and go to work. Heck man, you’ve got bills to pay! Doctor appointments are not cheap, and insurance will laugh at you for wanting to get your experimental treatments covered. This is life with alopecia. This was my life with alopecia.  I had been working at my job for 4.5 years when I lost my first handful of hair. In fact, I was getting ready for work when it happened. I was on a conference call the day I realized the hair on my arms was gone. I was in my office cafeteria when I tearfully begged my doctor’s nurse to squeeze me in for an appointment to figure out what the heck was going on. I was in my cubicle the first time somebody panicked when they saw me and thought I had cancer. I was at the doctor’s office an hour before going to work when I learned that my immune system had fully turned on me and was going to more than likely take all my hair. The point is, alopecia and my job had somehow become super intertwined.  So how the heck did I find a way to balance the struggles of work with the struggles of alopecia?1. I shaved the last of my hair and started wearing a wig. You can’t be distracted by hair falling on you when there is no hair to fall. Wigs can be a challenge and require their own adjustment period. They can get hot during the day, they can itch, they can feel uncomfortable. For me, it was worth it to just feel a bit more like myself. It was worth it to not have people see me as this Gollum looking chick on a quest for a ring, and see me as the way I used to (sorta) see myself.2. I found a coworker friend family. Basically, I have a hype squad. It is pretty lucky if you ask me. If I was having a day where the struggle of transforming into a little bald alien was making me want to cry, I had my pick of friend cubicles that I could duck into to shed a tear or 8000.3. I got help. My depression was the worst of the worst when this all went down. My morning ritual consisted of me taking a picture of my head to see if there were any changes and then crying. Taking a shower and losing disgusting amounts of hair under the water and then crying. Looking at my hair in the rearview mirror of my car and then crying. Getting to work and walking into a bathroom stall and then crying. You get the picture here. It was a year and a half of releasing enough tears to start my own bottled salt water business. Jokes aside, my mental health was completely shot. I had thoughts of wishing semi-trucks would hit me on my drive to work to end it all. It was that bad. Finally, I made the best decision of my life. I found a psychologist. Alopecia is such a crazy disease. It effects your hair, but it truly can take a toll on your mental health. I know this from my own experience. I know this from the posts I read in the alopecia support group I am in. I know this from the messages I receive on my Instagram. I know that so many of my fellow alopecians are struggling and are having the same if not worse thoughts. I’m telling you friends; a little therapy goes a long ass way. Especially if you are career driven. It will give you a way to deal with your emotional struggles so you can come into work and be your best you. I’m not talking about the fake smile on the outside, weeping on the inside you (case and point me). I’m talking about the real smile on the outside, mostly smiles on the inside, ready to make that money you. Alopecia is a jerk who can take your hair, but it should not be the thing that takes your promotion!! Plus, wigs are hella expensive and you’re going to need that promotion money if wigs are your jam. 😊 But seriously, please, please, please get help if you’re struggling with this disease. Life is too short, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to have success, you deserve to have it all! I can’t emphasize this enough.4. I opened up. At first, alopecia was my big secret. My coworker hype squad knew, but nobody else did. I expended a lot of energy hiding. I was perpetually afraid that someone would figure it out. I felt guilty if someone complimented my hair because I knew it wasn’t MY hair, it was my wig. I lied and told people I got extensions when I got a new longer wig. I was so scared that people would notice that my hairline periodically shifted throughout the day. I was scared that I’d accidently wipe my drawn-on eyebrow off while sitting at my desk. I thought for sure someone would look at me and realize my eyelashes did not exist. Constant anxiety. Then one day, I shared my story on Facebook. I made post public, and many coworkers who weren’t my fb friends could see it. The support blew my mind. It makes me wonder what I was so afraid of. Let’s say hypothetically, someone chose to be mean or shitty about it. Doesn’t that speak more about them as a person than me as a baldie? Now a days I’m very open about my alopecia at work. The energy that I used to waste hiding my bald girl secrets, I can now use to grow my career. What I realized is that I am a strong independent woman who don’t need no bald secretes to succeed!! I share my story to help. I wish there was a one sized fits all solution for alopecia struggles. I wish I could wave a wand over all my struggling baldies out there and help you get to where I am now. Sadly, its just not that simple. It is a journey and it takes time to find your new normal at your job or elsewhere. Never forget that your emotions are valid, your struggle is valid, it is not just hair, and you deserve a great freaking life!!!!!! You deserve to go into work and crush your job. Even if you’ve lost your happiness and drive along the way, I truly hope you never give up the fight to find it. You will find it. This I can promise you. Lots of love to you all!! Love, your little Baldie Boo.

You Get A Wig! You Get A Wig!

Diamonds may be a girls best friend, but wig salons are mine. I took a little trip over to Littleton, Colorado to visit my dear friend Hana at Hana Designs. Her salon is so wonderful. You walk in and it feels like a trendy, but oh so cozy home. The salon is filled with unique furniture, jewelry, makeup, and wigs galore!! This trip was extra special because my boyfriend came with me. You heard that right. I’ve found a sweet soul that is sweet enough to be my partner in crime at a wig salon. My baldie heart couldn’t be more full! *swoon*I went to the salon to have a gloss treatment done on my Shuly wig. I like to do this a couple times a year. Living in Denver means I live in a very cracked skin, ashy elbow dry climate. Great for eliminating frizzy poofs, but can also make a human hair wig oh so dry. Getting these treatments will help extend the life of your wig and keep it looking so fresh and so clean clean. Hana recommends deep conditioning for newer wigs and gloss treatments for wigs that are close to or crossing the 1 year threshold.The best part about all of this is getting to try on all of the synthetic wigs while I'm waiting. Blonde, pixie, red head, grandma and everything in between. You name it, I tried it on this fun day!What do you think? Can you guess which one was the winner?
 
 

Shout Out To My Scary Face

This one is a shout out to what I kindly refer to as my “scary face”. The one that I’ve been most scared to share with anyone let alone the world. The one that felt unrecognizable even to me. The one that’s cried endless tears, felt endless guilt, and felt completely alone.I’ve apologized for this face when others have had to see it. I’ve looked at this face in complete disgust. Who is this? Where did I go? When will I come back? I’ve been angry at this face for being a part of me.This is a shout out to this face that didn’t give up on me. That held out hope when hope felt impossible. That just kept swimming when I was drowning. That slowly but surely became a part of me. That is a part of my story that I’m choosing to no longer hide. That is a part of my story that I am (dare I say) proud of.This is a shout out to my “scary face”. 

A Quest For Wigs

Finding the perfect wig can feel like a quest. I felt completely overwhelmed when I tried to figure out where to start. I was debating between using an online wig store, finding something on eBay, or going to an actual wig shop. After much debate, I decided I wanted to try before I buy. My first stop was a local wig Botik. I had two very different experiences here. The first was when I had some hair left and wanted to purchase a human hair topper. I walked into a small store FILLED with wigs of all styles and colors. I talked to a sales associate and explained my situation. She sat me down in a chair and placed the first option on my head. It was pretty, but on my head, it was heavy, thick, and didn’t feel like me. I asked her the price and almost fell over when she told me it was over $1000. I awkwardly asked her if she had anything under a grand. Up until this point, I had no clue that human hair wigs could be so pricey. I was in for a rude awakening LOL. My fellow alopecians know! The next piece she put on me felt perfect. It looked like my old hair, and that was all I wanted. To feel more like me. My second experience at Kim’s was not as good. It was a month after my first visit, and I had made a decision to shave the last of my hair and purchase a full wig. The sales associate sat me in a chair in the back of the store. I explained to her that I wanted a Follea gripper wig. I had done my research online and this seemed like the perfect fit. It had a silicone cap that “gripped” to a persons head. This meant no need for tape or glue and I was all about that life. She aggressively (and painfully) unclipped my topper taking many remaining hairs with it, and roughly plopped a Follea on my head. It felt a bit big and heavy, and the color was all wrong. I asked her if she was sure it was a gripper. She said yes and decided to yank the hair to prove to me it gripped. Ironically it slid back when she did. Probably because the cap was too big for me. I explained to her that the color was wrong. Rather than empathizing, or finding me a better solution, she told me that it would be fun to mix things up. She was extremely pushy and wanted me to buy something that was too big and the wrong color. Girl BYE. I told her I wanted to take some time to think about it and she immediately became very obviously irritated with me. It became clear that she was more concerned with making the sale than actually helping me. I left the store disappointed and unsure what to do next. It is kinda shitty when someone is trying to take advantage of your struggle to make themselves a quick buck. I left the store disappointed and unsure what to do next.I got to work that Monday and did some intense google searching. I found a salon called Hana Designs. Hana was a breast cancer survivor and had experienced hair loss herself from chemo. Her ratings were good and I decided to give it a shot. When I walked into the salon, my experience was completely different. It was an Aveda salon that was so cute and cozy. My friends Amelia and Riley were by my side to help me choose the perfect piece. Hana was so warm and welcoming and immediately made me feel at ease. Right away she took the time to understand my needs. After trying on many beautiful options, we decided Follea was definitely the way to go. My wig was purchased and my friends and I collectively named her The Duchess.

Follea Gripper Sport aka The DuchessAbout a year into rocking The Duchess, I started chatting with someone named Hannah in a Facebook group for women win hair loss. She had the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen, and I was shocked to learn that it was a wig! Hannah owned a salon in Florida that specialized in hair loss needs. She FaceTimed me and we instantly became friends. She was so easy to connect with and she shared her journey with trichotellomania with me. I knew right away that I wanted to order hair like hers from her. Enter my Yaffa. I flew all the way to Sarasota to pick this beauty up. I named my Yaffa her Princess Jasmine. She was long, luxurious, and stunning. Yaffa sewed in silicone panels which meant I could continue living my no tape/no glue life.
A year later, I had hit my insurance out of pocket max. I decided to get another wig because I thought it would be fully covered by insurance. I called up Hannah and she started looking for the perfect piece for me. This time she recommended a wig by Shuly. I had the utmost trust in Hannah and told her to order it. She shipped it to me and I was completely blown away. It was soooo beautiful. The coloring was amazing and the hair quality was unbelievable. I named her Lydia. Unfortunately my insurance did not cover the full cost of the wig. Either way, it was still so worth it to find my Shuly.
What’s next? If I had Kylie Jenner money, I’d be buying wigs left and right! Maybe that day will come, but for now I will just day dream about my next piece. I have my eye on the Shuly Fashionista because I really want something that is pretty naturally stick straight. Who knows though. I have a feeling that my wig quest will last as long as my body keeps me bald. I’m sure there will be many more fun and beautiful pieces to come!